Happy New Year

Just posted to Facebook: "has a simple resolution ... to make every day in 2012 count"

1. Loose 5 pounds ... seriously.
2. Slow down and enjoy things more.
3. Engage.
4. Run more, bike more, work out better.
5. Keep my day job.

Spoke to Siri today

So it has finally happened. I got the iPhone. I thought I wasn't due for an early upgrade until March 2012 but when my Berry, which I truly loved started eating batteries, I decided it was time.

So here I am. Typing on a tiny keyboard while my work computer reboots. To be honest, I could probably do most of my job right here on my phone. That's how cool the phone is and how easy my job is. Funny really.

Siri helped me get to Staples today to buy one last gift. She had helped me get to Walpole for a run on Sunday too but I hadn't asked her. Mapquest just started talking to me which was nice. I am trying not to be a junkie about it but it's hard because its so fun. I am a little obsessive about cleaning the screen though. This too shall pass.

Best.Work.Day.Ever

So I was 3/4 of the way to work this morning when I realized I had left my compute at home. Turned off of 128 and decided to work remotely again today. AWESOME sauce.

Last night I bumped my head while doing a handstand! It really hurts today but I am proud of myself for attempting it and then I did what I thought was impossible last week. The December challenge at Fitness by D is a crazy one, but I did it in 14:33. 10x 20# ball drop, 10x 35# KBS, and then 10x burpees 10x. So that's 100 of each if you just count like the rest of us. It was hard - especially the KBS which I usually like, but don't think I have done 35# before. I wasn't going to do it at all because the current winner had done it in 11:07 but I spoke with her at a party on Saturday and she said, "just don't stop" and I didn't, but it was hard.

Visited UNO land yesterday and it was a great visit, but I am so glad I didn't have to stick around. Miss the people (well most of them), no question, but not the stress. Love the flexibility of my new gig ... working at home is great. My boss is great. And the people I work with are all very nice and supportive even if I don't ever see them face-to-face.

Oh, and did I mention I pick up my Iphone today?

Attitude of Gratitude

I am thankful for the following things:

• My awesome 12-year-old daughter who is smarter and funnier than I ever imagined
• My crazy old dog and not-so-old cat who make every day more entertaining than it is when they are not around
• My good relationship with my ex husband because without him, life would be a lot more difficult
• My boring but well-paying job that affords me the ability to clean up after myself, literally and figuratively
• My health that continues to improve daily because I am working harder physically than ever before
• My friends—near and far, real and virtual—who provide support without always knowing it

And now, to enjoy the holiday season ... 6 weeks until 2012

Day Job

It is amazing to me that people get paid a lot of money to do what I do. Not that I am not good at it mind you, but a lot of the time, it's not that hard. I have no formal education for it, I keep getting paid more and more each time I make a move, and yet, it's never enough to make me feel like I am accomplishing anything.

What am I, you ask? Currently my title is Account Manager. In the past it has been Senior Manager, Account Executive, Project Manager, Packaging Specialist, and so on. I am a project manager. I try to help others help themselves and do their jobs. My ability to multi-task and schedule and remember more than one thing at a time makes me able to help clients, restaurant managers, creative folks and production people all get the information they need in a timely enough fashion that they can do their jobs. I am the one who is responsible for everything and nothing simultaneously.

I like what I do. I am good at it. I have learned over time that it's not personal (though some of you know I don't always practice what I preach). And truth be told, at the end of the day, most people like working with me because I help them get what they need ... even though most of the time, they don't know it : )

And today at work, I am just bored ... it always happens when I am new to a place because I just don't know what I don't know. I am trying to enjoy it because soon there will be days with no breaks from calls and no way to leave my desk. The best part about this new gig though, is that tomorrow, I work from home.

My friend Walter

He died a week ago today and his memorial service was yesterday. We were friends in the sense that when we saw each other we were happy to fall into a comfortable conversation about anything, but usually books and movies when we were on our own. He was older than me ... almost 20 years but still too young to die so soon though I do believe he is in a better place because I know he hadn't been himself for a while. Though I had known him almost 10 years, looking at the pictures that were around the room, I realized I barely knew him at all. When he first met his current wife, #3, (I met #1 yesterday and know #2 from Dedham), he looked like the Marlboro man! For the last few years, I mostly saw Walter walking his dog since I drive by his house

I think my biggest fear is that no one will come to my memorial service. And not because I don't believe I have friends and that I have affected their lives in one way or the other, but as the consumate project manager that I am, I fear that no one will find out the details and mostly because I don't know who will share the information ... whatever it may be. Looking at Walter's photos, I know that no one has that many photos of me, mostly because I never let my photo be taken in the old days, and often was the only photographer in the group, but also because my family, mostly my Mom, doesn't hold on to stuff that way.

I went to Legalzoom on Monday and started a will ... and haven't been back since. What makes it so difficult to make these arrangements? I am not worried I am dying tomorrow (though you never know about the big red bus) but I want to make sure that the details don't torture anyone else. Having been through it when my Dad died, I don't want Emma to have to deal with all that, but no one else either.

Don't know why I am even worried since I won't be here ...

Pumpkin Beer Addiction

It's really crazy how much I am enjoying the various types of pumpkin beers that are out right now. I am drinking a Shipyard Pumpkinhead right now which is delicious which could only be improved by being sipped out a chilled glass with a cinnamon-sugar rim, but that just seems excessive to do for one's self at home.

On the eve of yet another first day of a new job, I look back to the last week of vacation between jobs. What can I say? It was awesome. Packed a lot of fun and rest and all that good stuff. House is clean. Grocery shopping and laundry done and all I have to do is get up and go tomorrow.

Had a fun run with the TIR's today. It felt really good while I was doing it ... why don't I do it more on my own? I am hoping that the lack of soul-sucking from my day job will help me be more motivated about everything else I do. It's that busy time of year ... Emma's schedule and mine are conflicting but we'll figure it out.

Need to lose 5 pounds by Sunday morning ... MUST FOCUS and track! Practice what I preach and all that. PointsPlus2012 has a lot to offer. Glad I got a preview today. Try something new this week with the new job, the new commute and all that other new stuff.

Happy fall!

So Tired

Crazy couple of weeks after giving notice. I think I worked harder in the last two weeks than ever before, which of course isn't true, but I certainly didn't phone it in. Went out Friday night for only the 2nd time in the last year with work peeps ... it was fun and I hope I didn't say too much (that last pumpkin beer may have given me a loose tongue, but at that point, everyone else had had a few as well).

Today I ran the BAA 1/2 - in exactly the amount of time I thought it would take. I said 9 minute miles and they were 8:59's. Considering I did NO training for this, it was pretty damn good. The question is, why don't I want to run any more? When I am doing it, it's really fun and I am actually pretty good at it, but since I am not training for a marathon, I can pretty much do it when I feel like it and get away with it.

I think I need to re-focus on quantity of events maybe ... spend more time with TIR's. I did offer to be a captain of a team next year which means I will have to be motivational and lead by example ... hahahahaha.

But really, what is next? 2011 has been a very good year. A couple of 1/2 marathons and a full in April. A flash mob experience that I am not sure can be topped. A new job in a still-down economy. So what is next? How do I find something motivating but flexible enough to fit into my already busy life.

Maybe that's what I can do this week that I have off ... figure something out to do along with clean the house, long ride with Katie, lunch with the girls and Heather, a massage, a cross country meet and a trip to Sweet tomorrow. No wonder I am so tired.

Another new job

One of my old bosses posted on my FB page ... "what are you in the witness protection program?" It's true, I have changed jobs a lot in the last 6 years since I "went back to work".

The last year has been tough ... though I actually liked what I was doing and was pretty good at it, the place I worked is literally toxic, to quote Ms. Brittany Spears. The good news is, after almost 9 months, I got a job that I think will work. More money, working from home 1-2 days a week, and excellent benefits. I am soooo over looking for a job. I have deleted all my search lists, and even the folder of miscellaneous rejections, and plan on doing nothing but settling in once I start on the the 17th.

Between now and then, I have to finish some work. No, I am not one of those types who just checks out once giving notice - those of you who are friends from former places know that those last 2 weeks I try to make up for actually leaving. Then next Sunday I am running the BAA 1/2 ... going to be tough since I am barely running these days. Hope to spend some time with Emma, but her schedule is pretty busy so who knows ...

For all of you who are working at a job you are miserable at or even just unhappy, you too can make a change. There are jobs out there, it just takes time and determination. If I can get 6 jobs in the last 6 years - each time making more money and getting new skills from the last, you can make the change. I've learned a lot from all this ... hopefully something I can put to use in my new job : )

Where to begin ...

Such a great week off! Hard to say what the best part of it was.

Taking Emma to the Selena Gomez concert and experiencing that teeny bopper 1st concert sensation?

Or surprising her and confirming why I have a day job by flying to Orlando last minute and spending more money in 3 days at amusement parks than I have in the last 3 months?

Or perhaps, it was dancing in the middle of Hanover Street in the North End with Emma and 100+ of my new closest friends?

No matter how much I want to complain—and don't get me wrong, I find something almost every day—I am the luckiest person.

This last 10 days was amazing and as I sit here enjoying a Leinenkugel Sunset Wheat and sushi, things I never would have even tried 5 years ago, I thank God (or higher power or whatever), Weight Watchers (yes truly), and the power of determination that keeps me going.

What a way to end the summer ... sooooo much fun and I got to see my girls Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Monday ... what's better than that? Now, if I can only survive tomorrow ...

I swear I didn't lie

When I was in line yesterday waiting to pick up my number, I chatted with this lovely woman who had come from Albany to run with her fiance. She was probably a couple of years older than me and she told me she was in the grey corral. I said I was in orange, not knowing what that meant.

When I arrived in Woods Hole this morning, I had to ask after I realized the orange corral was the 2nd start time. Did that mean that they were giving the slow pokes a head start? I asked one of the officials, and she said "no, honey, that means you are fast."

What makes me fast? I can't remember which race time I used on the application but I am assuming it was Hyannis or James Joyce or the Marathon or something, none of which made me feel particularly fast at the time since there were many people ahead of me and I didn't even place in my age group at any of those.

I was particularly nervous going to Falmouth this weekend because a) I haven't been training at all ... maybe running once or twice a week, b) because it's freaking August and it's hot and humid all the time and I have been so slow this summer and c) I biked 50 miles (a distance I haven't even gotten close to this summer) with the TIR's on Friday so I wasn't sure how the legs would hold up.

Today was actually awesome. I ran into many people I know now through running - a Children's Hospital Team member, TIR's, friends of friends I have met at other events and I even saw Teddy Bruschi a number of times. The race was fun - cloudy, breezy and hilly and if I had been training and better prepared mentally, I could have rocked it, though I did achieve my goal which was to break an hour.

7.1 is a weird distance: when I hit the 10K marker and my Nike + was still at 5.5, I just laughed. I caught up to my friend Jimmy, who actually started in the wave 5 minutes behind me, at mile 6 and he said he was on pace and I should just keep going. I said I was "all over the place" and all over pace, so I ended up about 10 yards behind him for the rest of the race . Thank God he was there because I don't know how I would have finished without a rabbit - I had passed my first one on the last downhill : )

It was a great weekend. I exercised and ate tons - ice cream every day - and did some work and slept badly and just did it. I have to get out more ...

46/3/2011

Tomorrow, I will be 46. It's a boring birthday because it's more than 1/2 way to 50, but still on the lower end. To celebrate, I am helping the TIRs run the Four on the 4th event in Dedham ... it's going to be fun. Sally and Emma are riding in the lead car. I am NOT running, but acting as course marshall and photographer. Lots of fun.

So I have had my tattoo for 9 years now ... crazy to think about. Since I got it, I have gotten a divorce; bought and sold a house; run 3 marathons; done a sprint tri-athalon and an overnight relay; changed jobs 5 times in a down economy; and some how managed to keep almost 60 pounds off my 5' 1" frame. WOW. Looking at it like that is pretty cool.

Emma is awesome ... I am a lucky Mom. She's a 5th grade graduate and already taking a middle school prep classes. She's smart, funny, and ridiculously popular. I am so proud.

At almost 46, I am healthier than ever. "Happiness" still alludes me ... never know if it is real or not. Daily life is an utter disaster on some days and completely awesome on others. I led a WW meeting today for the first time in over year and had a member come and thank me. What a great feeling.

Happy Birthday to me. I look forward to a great day.

The night before

So strange what a difference a little over a year makes. It's the night before the Boston Marathon. I am running 26.2 tomorrow and I am psyched. I have nothing to prove and everything to enjoy.

When LC and I were in Phoenix last January because I said I wanted to see if I could qualify, the night before the marathon, we went and checked out the finish and then had dinner. Today, I was with KEP as we checked out the finish—one I know SO well. This was a great weekend in general as I got to see so many friends from so many places ... the Children's team, TIRs, old work buddies. It's been wonderful.

I am looking forward to tomorrow for so many reasons. I am going to enjoy and savor every moment, because as I have been saying all weekend, this is my last marathon, unless as PK and I agreed, I am volunteering to be a guide for someone so that I won't have to train to actually "compete". I look forward to the following things:

1. Being at the start line with the Children's team ... the Masonic lodge where we get to hang out is RIGHT there.

2. Seeing the TIRs at mile 4.1 as I turn the corner and try to move a little faster after conserving my energy for the first miles of downhills

3. Finding Emma and Sally and their Dads at Mile 15ish in front of St. Paul's church in Wellesley.

4. Killing the hills, or at least not dying on them, since the good news is, I only have to go out, not back like we did in practice all those times during the winter

5. Hitting BC and knowing that I can make it to the finish because I know that road like the back of my hand

6. Coming into Kenmore after seeing Bill at the Dana Farber stop and passing by UNO and leaving it in the dust

7. Seeing the girls and their signs at the corner of Commonwealth and Hereford and then taking a right on Hereford

8. Hoping that Emma will get her princess spot again on Boylston where I take a left to see the finish line

9. Enjoying the cheers and the excitement down Boylston Street and finally

10. Crossing the finish line and having Marathon Photo actually capture it this time!!

It's going to be a great day ... no matter how fast I go. Time is not all that matters in this. Life is what matters.

And to my friends the Nasers, thank you for allowing me to do this in Sally's name. I have learned so much. And as an "old lady", I don't get to say that very often.

See you on the other side.

Seriously????

What a week ... culminating in the fact that my calf seized up again today. So crazy since I ran 9 on Thursday without even a twinge. The good news is, I had an already scheduled sports massage with the amazing Jenny so I just stopped at the half way point on the team run. That said, Jenny said the calf was actually in better shape than two weeks ago, which is good news overall but still annoying today.

Special thanks to J Liz Rad for letting me shower at their house since it would have been a much less enjoyable day in the city carrying around the stink. When the team was all at Marathon Sports today enjoying our 20% off team discount, it was a little ripe.

So sushi and three beers later, I am ready to go to bed, even though the biggest full moon in the last 18 years is going to be out tonight. But what I am going to do? Stand on the front stoop and look at it with Mr. Smith? Zoe's not even here.

I know, I know, a little bit of a pity party here, but it's been a really long week. Is it wrong for a 45 year old woman to just walk out on her job? I really really want to. It would give me great pleasure. And of course, serve them right : )

18 miles down, 8.2 to go

After last Saturday's debacle, having to stop running at mile 4 of an 18-miler, I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to run today, but I did.

Tessa, a woman from Duxbury on the Children's team, was with me through mile 17 but then she had energy and I didn't. The wind was bad and we were coming back through the Newton Hills. I looked at my Nike + band and I was at a 10:53 pace ... I think I walk faster than that.

The great news is, I did it. Pink compression sleeves on my calves intact. 9 minute mile average. All good. And now, I have surpassed my second fundraising goal. First it was $2000, then, $3500. Can I make $4000? The next few weeks, well 5 weeks and a day to be exact, will tell. I think I can. I would like to.

More important than all of this is that last I heard, Sally was going back to school on Monday. She and Emma had a great visit last Sunday evening ... so cute together and so real ... something only 10 year olds can be. Adults on the other hand, often not-so-real.

Bad week

It started on Monday around 7:45 when I got the first call at work that there was an error on a menu ... my bad totally, but I hate that. Tuesday night I left my cell at work overnight which was probably a good thing in the long term but at the time, I was annoyed. Wednesday was a typical hump day when I heard from a friend that I am no longer friends with which is a good and a bad thing I suppose. Thursday night was when I first felt my calf tighten up during a 7 mile run in Hyde Park and Milton during which I got slightly lost and panicky. Friday was interesting as I went on a job interview in the middle of the day. Not sure exactly how I feel about that. And then today, I fell while turning onto the sidewalk just outside Wellesley and then a short time later, my calf screamed at me. I don't think the two moments were related, but after walking about a mile back toward my car, a nice man who was dropping off his shirts offered me a ride back to my car which was still 3 miles away.

I am icing, resting, compressing, and elevating though not really in that order and I know it will be fine, but it still doesn't make me feel any better. The marathon is 6 weeks from Monday which the coaches pointed out this morning right before they said don't run through pain at this point since it's close. It's all going to be fine and probably great, but there are some points when I wish it was just easier, but then would I be bored? Will I ever be satisfied? Hard to say and I will never know as I will always be wondering what is coming next.

A little extra free time this weekend is a good thing, but now my head will run wild since my body didn't. : (

"Saturday night and I ain't got nobody ..."

To those of you who are old enough to know that song ...

So last week at this moment I was with the girls laughing my ass off, having eaten and drunk enough calories to negate the fact that I had run 17 miles that day, getting ready to head over to Jacques for a drag show. Tonight, I am home, watching a Law and Order SVU marathon and avoiding the 5 loads of laundry that are all over my bed. I purposely dumped them there so that I would HAVE to fold them before I go to sleep tonight.

Life is funny ... especially as a single woman in her mid 40's working hard to make a living. 2011 has been an interesting year so far and not in a good way. The running is going well as is the fund raising, because it's the only thing I am enjoying right now. Emma is awesome, but very busy already living her own life which I applaud, but it means I am on my own more than ever.

Work SUCKS. Did I say that loud enough? Funny thing is I really like my job ... it's just crazy where I work and I have enough crazy in my own life : ) I don't need more of it all day at work. We'll see how it goes, but I am not optimistic. 4 W2's in 2010 say I am at least employable.

I look forward to the snow being gone. I look forward to seeing Emma on stage in Sound of Music and Cinderella. I look forward to running the Boston Marathon, averaging 9 minute miles or less. I look forward to changing the way things are right now. I look forward to seeing Sally feel better and her parents enjoying the 4th of July Road Race in Dedham (on my 46th birthday). I look forward to so much. I just have to keep that in mind.