46/3/2011

Tomorrow, I will be 46. It's a boring birthday because it's more than 1/2 way to 50, but still on the lower end. To celebrate, I am helping the TIRs run the Four on the 4th event in Dedham ... it's going to be fun. Sally and Emma are riding in the lead car. I am NOT running, but acting as course marshall and photographer. Lots of fun.

So I have had my tattoo for 9 years now ... crazy to think about. Since I got it, I have gotten a divorce; bought and sold a house; run 3 marathons; done a sprint tri-athalon and an overnight relay; changed jobs 5 times in a down economy; and some how managed to keep almost 60 pounds off my 5' 1" frame. WOW. Looking at it like that is pretty cool.

Emma is awesome ... I am a lucky Mom. She's a 5th grade graduate and already taking a middle school prep classes. She's smart, funny, and ridiculously popular. I am so proud.

At almost 46, I am healthier than ever. "Happiness" still alludes me ... never know if it is real or not. Daily life is an utter disaster on some days and completely awesome on others. I led a WW meeting today for the first time in over year and had a member come and thank me. What a great feeling.

Happy Birthday to me. I look forward to a great day.

The night before

So strange what a difference a little over a year makes. It's the night before the Boston Marathon. I am running 26.2 tomorrow and I am psyched. I have nothing to prove and everything to enjoy.

When LC and I were in Phoenix last January because I said I wanted to see if I could qualify, the night before the marathon, we went and checked out the finish and then had dinner. Today, I was with KEP as we checked out the finish—one I know SO well. This was a great weekend in general as I got to see so many friends from so many places ... the Children's team, TIRs, old work buddies. It's been wonderful.

I am looking forward to tomorrow for so many reasons. I am going to enjoy and savor every moment, because as I have been saying all weekend, this is my last marathon, unless as PK and I agreed, I am volunteering to be a guide for someone so that I won't have to train to actually "compete". I look forward to the following things:

1. Being at the start line with the Children's team ... the Masonic lodge where we get to hang out is RIGHT there.

2. Seeing the TIRs at mile 4.1 as I turn the corner and try to move a little faster after conserving my energy for the first miles of downhills

3. Finding Emma and Sally and their Dads at Mile 15ish in front of St. Paul's church in Wellesley.

4. Killing the hills, or at least not dying on them, since the good news is, I only have to go out, not back like we did in practice all those times during the winter

5. Hitting BC and knowing that I can make it to the finish because I know that road like the back of my hand

6. Coming into Kenmore after seeing Bill at the Dana Farber stop and passing by UNO and leaving it in the dust

7. Seeing the girls and their signs at the corner of Commonwealth and Hereford and then taking a right on Hereford

8. Hoping that Emma will get her princess spot again on Boylston where I take a left to see the finish line

9. Enjoying the cheers and the excitement down Boylston Street and finally

10. Crossing the finish line and having Marathon Photo actually capture it this time!!

It's going to be a great day ... no matter how fast I go. Time is not all that matters in this. Life is what matters.

And to my friends the Nasers, thank you for allowing me to do this in Sally's name. I have learned so much. And as an "old lady", I don't get to say that very often.

See you on the other side.

Seriously????

What a week ... culminating in the fact that my calf seized up again today. So crazy since I ran 9 on Thursday without even a twinge. The good news is, I had an already scheduled sports massage with the amazing Jenny so I just stopped at the half way point on the team run. That said, Jenny said the calf was actually in better shape than two weeks ago, which is good news overall but still annoying today.

Special thanks to J Liz Rad for letting me shower at their house since it would have been a much less enjoyable day in the city carrying around the stink. When the team was all at Marathon Sports today enjoying our 20% off team discount, it was a little ripe.

So sushi and three beers later, I am ready to go to bed, even though the biggest full moon in the last 18 years is going to be out tonight. But what I am going to do? Stand on the front stoop and look at it with Mr. Smith? Zoe's not even here.

I know, I know, a little bit of a pity party here, but it's been a really long week. Is it wrong for a 45 year old woman to just walk out on her job? I really really want to. It would give me great pleasure. And of course, serve them right : )

18 miles down, 8.2 to go

After last Saturday's debacle, having to stop running at mile 4 of an 18-miler, I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to run today, but I did.

Tessa, a woman from Duxbury on the Children's team, was with me through mile 17 but then she had energy and I didn't. The wind was bad and we were coming back through the Newton Hills. I looked at my Nike + band and I was at a 10:53 pace ... I think I walk faster than that.

The great news is, I did it. Pink compression sleeves on my calves intact. 9 minute mile average. All good. And now, I have surpassed my second fundraising goal. First it was $2000, then, $3500. Can I make $4000? The next few weeks, well 5 weeks and a day to be exact, will tell. I think I can. I would like to.

More important than all of this is that last I heard, Sally was going back to school on Monday. She and Emma had a great visit last Sunday evening ... so cute together and so real ... something only 10 year olds can be. Adults on the other hand, often not-so-real.

Bad week

It started on Monday around 7:45 when I got the first call at work that there was an error on a menu ... my bad totally, but I hate that. Tuesday night I left my cell at work overnight which was probably a good thing in the long term but at the time, I was annoyed. Wednesday was a typical hump day when I heard from a friend that I am no longer friends with which is a good and a bad thing I suppose. Thursday night was when I first felt my calf tighten up during a 7 mile run in Hyde Park and Milton during which I got slightly lost and panicky. Friday was interesting as I went on a job interview in the middle of the day. Not sure exactly how I feel about that. And then today, I fell while turning onto the sidewalk just outside Wellesley and then a short time later, my calf screamed at me. I don't think the two moments were related, but after walking about a mile back toward my car, a nice man who was dropping off his shirts offered me a ride back to my car which was still 3 miles away.

I am icing, resting, compressing, and elevating though not really in that order and I know it will be fine, but it still doesn't make me feel any better. The marathon is 6 weeks from Monday which the coaches pointed out this morning right before they said don't run through pain at this point since it's close. It's all going to be fine and probably great, but there are some points when I wish it was just easier, but then would I be bored? Will I ever be satisfied? Hard to say and I will never know as I will always be wondering what is coming next.

A little extra free time this weekend is a good thing, but now my head will run wild since my body didn't. : (

"Saturday night and I ain't got nobody ..."

To those of you who are old enough to know that song ...

So last week at this moment I was with the girls laughing my ass off, having eaten and drunk enough calories to negate the fact that I had run 17 miles that day, getting ready to head over to Jacques for a drag show. Tonight, I am home, watching a Law and Order SVU marathon and avoiding the 5 loads of laundry that are all over my bed. I purposely dumped them there so that I would HAVE to fold them before I go to sleep tonight.

Life is funny ... especially as a single woman in her mid 40's working hard to make a living. 2011 has been an interesting year so far and not in a good way. The running is going well as is the fund raising, because it's the only thing I am enjoying right now. Emma is awesome, but very busy already living her own life which I applaud, but it means I am on my own more than ever.

Work SUCKS. Did I say that loud enough? Funny thing is I really like my job ... it's just crazy where I work and I have enough crazy in my own life : ) I don't need more of it all day at work. We'll see how it goes, but I am not optimistic. 4 W2's in 2010 say I am at least employable.

I look forward to the snow being gone. I look forward to seeing Emma on stage in Sound of Music and Cinderella. I look forward to running the Boston Marathon, averaging 9 minute miles or less. I look forward to changing the way things are right now. I look forward to seeing Sally feel better and her parents enjoying the 4th of July Road Race in Dedham (on my 46th birthday). I look forward to so much. I just have to keep that in mind.

My patient partner's Mom

We ran together today on the trails of Hale Reservation. It was beautiful, both because it was sunny and mild, but also because Camille brought her dog Bandit along and he ran with abandon as we trailed after him. It was great to tackle a different type of running for a change since I am usually on the street.

It was also nice to run with someone. We talked about all kinds of things, but I learned more about what she and Sally and the rest of their family are facing every day. Sally has a 60% chance of recurrence with the type of cancer she has. She is also younger than most people who get diagnosed with osteosarcoma so they don't have any real statistics about what works and doesn't work. Sally is undergoing chemo weekly right now and she seemed strong today. Like any good 10 year old girl, she was bored because her friend couldn't come over because she was sick.

I am excited that I am running for a cause, but more specifically in honor of Sally who will be 11 two days after the marathon. It's going to be great to get to know Sally's family, and I look forward to when Sally and Emma get to meet in person because they have so much in common even though at this point, their lives couldn't be more different. They are both strong girls with strong Moms which I think is a very good thing.